These days, I have been quite down but I can’t say the exact “why”.
On one hand, I am reading Haruki Murakami’s《South of the border, West of the sun》. Today I just finished chapter 12. No matter how many times I have read it, every time I read it, I still feel depressed. It has the magic to bring me back to my old memory which reminds me of how bad I was in the past, and also how confused I am now towards my life. However, even though I may be defeated by the cruelty of the story, I can’t resist to letting myself be immersed in it, only in this way, I could feel the true despair, fear or uncertainty within my heart. Only in this way, or maybe by the end of the journey, I could show slight mercy towards myself even though I am not good enough all the way along, since I am still alive and I need to move forward.
Whenever there is a tomorrow to come, I need to wake up and be confident on myself.
On the other hand, I picked up some favourite movies to watch, and today I want to talk about《The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button》.
This movie made me cry. Till now, I watched it twice, and I cried twice.
Benjamin was born as an old man, while all the other people were on their way to getting old, he was on his way to getting younger. Everybody treated him specially, which made him feel straight.
One night, Benjamin and Daisy had a secret talk under a table, which was caught by Daisy’s grandmother, and Benjamin was blamed for his improper behavior. When he asked his mother and said”Mama, what’s wrong with me?”, then this was the scene that made me cry. He said this with a steady but sad tone, which really touched me at that specific moment. Somehow, I want to ask myself “what is wrong with me” as well. It was not Benjamin’s fault to born that way, but he couldn’t enjoy the childhood happiness and made friends just like someone else due to his peculiarity.
What’s the problem of being odd?
Fortunately, Benjamin didn’t lost in this kind of disappointment. When he was old enough to go out, he went to be a sailor and put himself into a lot of adventures. He saw the war and others’ death, fell in love, made some money, but still, within his heart, he couldn’t forget Daisy, who was extremely beautiful in his eyes and kind enough to respect him as always. When Benjamin went back to his old house, he met Daisy, but that time was not a good timing for them to get together, like Daisy once said” You were too old and I was so young.”
Many years later, Daisy had an accident and couldn’t dance any more, she came back to Benjamin’s old house, and that was the perfect timing for them to get together. They both had their ups and downs, gain something, and they both lost something, and when the dust settled down, they came to realize that they were still in love with each other, thus they finally got together.
They had a great time. When Benjamin was 49 and Daisy was 43, they came to a point that they were nearly at the same age, at which they could see and treat each other equally. This was the scene that made me cry.
However, after that, Benjamin began to getting younger, and Daisy began to getting older, there is something uncertain and fearful ahead of them. Finally, after their daughter was born, Benjamin made up his mind to leave Daisy as he didn’t want to become a burden of her, which he could predict exactly would happen. He traveled to a lot of places and gained a lot of experience before his memory disappeared.
Again many years later, Benjamin came back to Dasiy’ house, where he saw his daughter, who had turned out to be a beautiful girl just like her monther when she was at that same age. They hugged each other gentlely and said good bye to each other with thankfulness.
Again many years later, Benjamin became a child who could’t remember anything and Daisy became an old woman, they came together again. Their lives seemed to be reversed. At last, the little baby Benjamin died in the warm arms of Daisy’s. This was the scene that made me cry as well.
All in all, this was a meaningful movie which I like very much.
It showed that it is not wrong for someone to have some problems.
It gave a picture on how lovers treat each other with respect and kind understanding. How could we appreciate and show sympathy to each other if we hadn’t been through the same? How could we understand each other thoroughly if we had nothing in common? How could we cherish each other without knowing the specialty of the other person. How could we completely accept each other without trust. It is ruthless but I have to admit these facts after all these years.
It showed an epitome on how life goes, from birth to death. It is said in the movie that every person is born to be his own way, either it is the birth place or the way of living. It may be true that, one is determined sth by his environment, but one can still fight for himself whenever there is a chance. The truth is that one can never know what will happen next. Don’t give up before there is certain ending.
At this age, I started to experience the feeling of getting old. It is known that wrinkle is an indication of getting old. Though it sounds a little weird, I can’t help but checking everyday and see if had appeared, just like a ceremony. But I won’t let it stop my pace, in other words, it reminds me of the urgency to do what I need and want to do as soon as possible.
My feeling and thinking towards a movie will change as time goes by, but it is lucky that I am willing to search some introspection every time I sit down to think.
Thinking is one way of living, which keeps me alive.
Like Queenie said in the movie-
“Everybody feels different about themselves one way or another. We’re all goin’ the same way, just taking different roads to get there… You’re on your own road, Benjamin. “
Like Benjamin said in the movie-
“You could be mad as a mad dog at the way things went.
you can swear and curse the fates,
but when it comes to the end,
you have to let go.
　　　　
For what it’s worth, it’s never too late, or in my case, too early, to be whoever you want to be.
There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want.
You can change or stay the same.
There’s no rules to this thing.
We can make the best or the worst of it. 　　
I hope you make the best of it.
I hope you see things that startle you.
I hope you feel things you never felt before.
I hope you meet people with a different point of view.
I hope you live a life you’re proud of.
If you find that you are not,
I hope you have the strength to start all over again. “